not happy with school

So looking back over the year I am not happy with the amount of school work we did this year. We took a lot of time off and did very little school work. I am more worried about Dathen and this plain then Kyler. I guess I figure I have more time with Kyler to make sure he is caught up. But Dathen has less time and struggles with more. I worry he has not done enough English because he struggles with reading, is allergic to pencils, and hates writing. I worry he has not or little history because we stopped doing it. I worry he has no science because we have not found a curriculum we have liked for that. I hate making him do things he does not want to do. It does not make our time together fun and enjoy able. I want this time to be a good time in his life not one of me yelling and him crying and hating me. But I want to make sure he has the tools to go to school if he chooses or to work productively in what ever field he picks. Right now I need to work on him not being lazy. He writes no scribbles his math out on scrap pieces of paper, he complains about having to get up and get one. He does not want to get up to get a calculator. His room is gross and messy. I can not vacuum in there at all. He has stuff every where. I can live with his room, I just clothes the door, but the rest really bugs me! Getting school work done is a chore and one I am not liking right now. I would rather clean the bathrooms some days then do school with them. I feel like all the other moms got a running start at this, by starting younger then we did. They have time to play around and experiment. I don't. I feel like there is a clock ticking away with Dathen and I am running late like a white rabbit. I have made a coffee date with another home schooler in hopes of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. In the few seconds I talked to her about it to tell her I wanted to meet she explained part of this is FEBRUARY. I hope to learn more next week as how she deals with it and what I can do.

bucket filling project

Today I am starting a bucket filling project inspired by the book growing up with a bucket full of happiness, three rules for a happier life. I hope to pr read a few pages and think of an activity to do with the kids every day for the next month with them. I came across this book while we where on holidays in Calgary. After feeling not connected with my kids, and the house not running the way I would like, I am going to try this to get back on track. Spending time together only goes so far, and because we don't go to church we need this information another way.
     The kids are having a great learning day. Looking things up for mine craft, and monkey jam (stop animation program). They have done reading and listened to the start of Moby Dick which they can not get enough of. They still have math and chore to do but they can do those on there own while I am at work and they have no activities tonight.
     I have my fist tea tasting party tomorrow. I am scared and nerviness but trying to remind myself that its all just fun and I don't have bills waiting to be paid on this to succeeding. I just want to order some tea for me. Hopefully someone will buy something but oh well if they don't, I have learned lots and am still learning.

Dentist

I hate dentist, not like most people who don't like going and say "I hate the dentist" and everyone else around agrees with them. I REALLY hate dentist. From the day before the appointment to the 10 hours after the appointment, its all hell. I have horrible anxiety about the dentist from childhood and it comes out full bloom on teeth cleaning day. Its the one time I have never mastered my anxiety and this make it worse. I beat myself up over the fact at I can not control my anxiety when it comes to the dentist. It seems to be getting worse as the years and cleanings go by. I think I am going to have to go to the doctor to get some meds for it. Not something I really want to do but I think I need to. The kids seem me and I try to explain to them its not the dentist or the cleaning its something I can not control. But I worry that may not be enough to explain it and I don't want to pass it along to them.
     Because we went for out teeth cleaning today we are taking it slow today. We slept in, went to the dentist, listen to vial cafee and then do a little school work. Not a big day. I need to recoup.

blow up at our house

So last night we had a big melt down in family communication. Dathen and Kyler were not doing dishes very well together and were about to start fighting. Dad and I stepped in, ok mostly dad because he knew I was going to lose it. The next thing I know Dathen is walking away, I am yelling and Dad has no idea how we got here. Doors start slamming, I yell Dathen cries and I send him to bed after he brushes his teeth. What a night. After Kyler, Dad and I finished dishes I got to cool down and think. What happened was not all Dathens fault or mine but a lack of communication on both our parts. Dad went and talked to Dathen and made him understand that just staying quiet is not always the way to deal with problems. I took the time to realize that him being quite was just pushing my buttons. He came back down and we talked and I hope feel better about all that happened.
     The whole this gave me time to think about how I was reacting to our trip and where my brain was after spending so much time with in-law family. I realized that I was not where I wanted to be or needed to be, I was seeing things in boxes again. I was seeing my kids as not fitting into boxes and that was a bad thing. But that was why we home school. So my kids don't have to fit in those dumb boxes. But all it took as a little time out of my bubble to go back to that thinking. How to people do this? I need to be able to spend time in the world and not lose my track on life.
     What I loved was while at one of the activities a boy came up to us and asked if we were home schoolers, "yes" Kyler replied "cool, us too" and then he swam away to his other friend. I would have hoped this would light something up for me to say "see you are doing something ok". I just find I forget quickly that this (HS) is ok, I am doing a good job, and my kids don't need to fit in box.

Home again

So after a week holiday and no school work we are home again. We took Monday more or less off because we were all so tiered! It was a good holiday and I say we did not school work but we saw 3 science museums and a history walk. So I guess we did do some. This was our first holiday with my brother in law, and a great learning lesson. We learned how long we can be together, how it effects my family and how to better plain if we do it again. My hope is to get back to a little school today and the rest of the week. But it is so nice outside its hard to keep them in. So we will see what the day brings. They have both returned to liking me read to them, so I am happy about that. I missed that time with them. But they must have needed a break because for a few months they wanted nothing to do with me reading to them. As all the books say just when you figure something out it changes. I stressed a lot while with the other Petursson family. thinking my kids were not getting the same education. I still think it was the right chose but worry I don't do enough, make them do enough, or work hard enough. They have kids that do great in school, where mine had a hard time fitting in the box. They have tough kids who can take the emotional roughness of it, I don't. It made me feel bad to think for some reason my kids did not "fit". What did I do wrong? Should I make my kids tougher, cram them into some kind of box, make them fit some how? And how would I do that? It all just made me want to go back to my bubble.
So now we are back to our bubble, and I am starting to feel better. After the kids had some horrible sleep. Kyler had an anxiety attack and Dathen cried in his sleep, and my body felt like it was hit by a train. But today we all seem better.

education on vaction

I always plan on and bring school with us when we travel. What a great time to learn I think, when we are in the car for 13 hours. This never works out. The kids plug into TV and I never see them again. This time I thought I would be smart and put "educational" tv on the electronics, ha Dad did not know my plain and put junk on too. Guess what they watched. I bring books and think we can read, write down fun facts we learn, talk about our days. Again this never seems to happen. I wonder if anyone manages to do book work while on vacation. Not to say the kids don't learn things, they do, just not from our scheduled school work. This is ok, I can leave with this. They are learning so much more in real life experiences.

Be nice to me day

So this blog was suppose to be about school and what the kids are doing and how they are growing. But right now or at lest for today its about me. I am having a be nice to me day. I have been struggling the last week or so trying to be in a good mood, happy would be nice. So when I got up this morning I did not force my aching body into a run, or work my back muscles on the rowing machine, no today while lying in bed thinking of all reasons not to get up I decided to be nice to my self today. I got up and did 30 min of Yoga, followed by hot tea. I did not shower, or put on make up, I did not do my hair or change into "real" cloths for the day. No, today I am going to wear yoga pants, sloppy t shirts and sweat shirt, big slippers and a smile. I am going to have a healthy lunch with all 4 food groups followed by a piece of chocolate and I am not going to feel guilty about it. I am going to smile at my kids and listen to them. We are going to make art and listen to a good book. We might even watch a movie later. This is my be nice to myself day. Its only 11 but so far I am feeling better already. The kids seem happy today which is going to help. Its still cold as all get out at -32c with the wind and I don't think that is helping my mood. I need sunshine and fresh air. But this to shall pass as I always say. 

Ukloo

The game Ukloo is a wonderful scavenger hunt game that gave me 30 min. of quite on a -32C day. I love this game! Its easy to set up with cards pre thought of and made all you have to do is hide them. Then give the kids one to start and they are off. By the way they are reading with out even knowing it. HAHAHA that is my evil mom laugh. They are also working together.
Hey a mom stuck in the house with her kids all week has to think of something to do with them. It was to cold to walk to the soup kitchen today, so we are spending the day inside.
I am still not sleeping great, a little better last night but still not like I used to.
Oh have to go reset the game, the kids want to do it again. I don't mind I takes less then 5 to set up. And I get more then that in peace. I think every mom should have this game. To bad no one reads my blog.
School is going ok other wise, I always worry, I always think we don't do enough, I am always thinking I closed doors on them by doing this. Wonder if this is why I don't sleep. No that cant be it.

mid year reports

Done and in the mail. That mid year report that I was not looking forward to having to write. I did not know what I was going to say. By taking more of the unschooling direction I was afread there was going to be nothing to say. I was wrong, I filled in the subjects with easy and confidence. Who knew we were learning so much.
Christmas went well, and new years eve was full of new games. Now I am fighting to get back into routine just to go on holidays in 2 weeks and being disrupted again. I am not sleeping well and I don't know if it because of this up coming holiday, lack of routine with the kids, or something I am eating. All I know is I am sleeping late and have little drive to do anything. I am reacting like I am stressed about something, but I can not pin point what that something is.
Maybe its my excitement of starting another business? I am planing to buy into Steeped Tea and start selling it.
Hoping for better sleep and a happy days.

Sick of mine craft??

So it happened, it finally happened. Kyler said "I am sick of mine craft actually" today and got off the computer. His brother was not far behind. WOW it only took 4 month but it has happened. They are ready to move on. To what they and I don't have a clue but to something. To bad tomorrow is Christmas and they will be bring home a bunch of new toys to entertain themselves with. This means that this time of board-em will soon be filled with stuff to do. I have been waiting for them to hit this wall. I think this is when they learn what inspires them. When stuff is not been handed to them. They have to go find something to do. Up until now its been mine craft or school work. But mine craft has now run its course, I hope.

Christmas

Seems we are still fighting the ps system a little. The ps system is off for holidays now and so my kids think they should be to. I how ever do not think they need a break yet. I still have to work, dad still has to work so they should still have to work. It not like we are doing big projects or asking them to write long papers or anything. I think I will stick to my guns on this one. They could finish their work in a few hours and be off with there friends if they work at it. Yep I am going to stay with it for the next day or two.

Passive learning

So after talking last night at parent night and then following up with hubby I came to a new in site about our house and its learning style. We are passive learners not aggressive learners. We are not researchers, or book worms that spend hours in books or on line looking stuff up. We don't write papers, make booklets, or do work sheets. We are listen to interesting cbc stories, watch educational and entertaining shows, play games that might teach us a thing or two. We talk to each other and ask questions of people who might know the answers.
     It has taken me almost 2 years to learn this and be ok with it. Strewing things for my kids to find also does not work, but listening to them retell me information from things they have seen or heard does and then maybe asking questions to make them think or want to know more or sometimes just letting that be enough. These things work for us.
     So when I see the aggressive learning family and start to wonder why can't we be like them, I hope to re read this and remind myself we are not that kind of learners, but we are learning. Not everyone is a go getter, make reports, do projects kind of person. Some of use like our information gently introduced into our minds and this is ok and learning too. On the outside it might not look as impressive but inside it feels right for us.

Sex ed

     This is not something we thought of when we decided to homeschool. We talked about math, science, reading and writing but not sex ed. I don't know if most parents do. But guess what, I don't get to pass the sex talk onto someone else. They are not going to have some unconformable teacher try to tell them about sex to a giggling class of peers. No this lesson lands on mom and dad. And in this house mostly mom. My oldest is now 12, and I hope no where near sex but his body is changing so we need to start having these conversations.  I have put out books, but he is not a big reader and I don't know how much he has read on this. I guess I am going to have to make a game plain and just jump in. If I think about this to much I will work myself up and not be able to do it with the confidence I think he needs from me.
     As uncomfortable as this conversation is going to be at lest I will know he is getting good information, from a loving environment. I hope this will not traumatize him and if it does let me say on the record that I am sorry and I am only doing what I think is best.

Money... make the world go round?

So one of the big jokes in our family growing up was "mom was so poor......" And really she was. They struggled for a lot of basic needs. Now that I have kids I look at money a little differently. What I chose to buy, save, spend or invest in. I find it interesting that less then 50 years ago "rich" kids were the ones getting the longer PS education. Parents did not need them to help on the farm or get jobs to help feed hungry mouths, so these kids (the ones with money) were able to continue in school for longer. Now as a home schooler I have heard from moms "we could not afford to home school" Both parents need to work to pay off bills. Bills from their schooling, the big house, cars, vacations. Its an interesting turn. People think we have money and that is how we can home school. If only they knew. It was one moms dream, to home school, but she did not think she could  afford not having her income.
      So one day my kids my say "We were so poor....." But I hope they see that they are only poor in material thing, and not the basic needs like there Grandmother was . The dish wash is NOT a basic need guys. I hope they see that yes if Mom worked full time maybe we could go on Disney vacation EVERY year, but they would not spending every day with me. Some may say its quality not quantities. That is true, but if you are sleep deprived, stressed and running around 51 weeks of the year, is that 1 week really worth it?

cheese

Another day of learning nothing...oh wait, we made cheese, fudge, played math games, listen to venal cafe and played outside. Guess we learned more then I knew we where going to today. Maybe I can get Dathen to make nuts and bolts. Oh and they brought out the chess game, re taught themselves how to play and made there own game out of it too.

Nothing to write

To day I don't really have anything to write, but because no one reads this that is ok. I am still sitting down and making time to write about the fact that I have nothing to write. I think keeping this Blog is important and the only way I will keep doing it is if I make it a habit. So even on days I have nothing to write I will write about that.  Being a soup kitchen day and the weather is so nice I did not think I was going to get much done today any way in the way of school so I am not stressed out that the kids have done nothing at is almost 2pm. Today was about getting out of the house, helping others and maybe a chance to talk to each other. I think 2 out of 3 is not bad.
     I was thinking about a question that was asked of my a few days ago, "do I ever go back and re read posts" my fist answer is no. But after thinking about it, yes, yes I do go back sometimes. I love my post about Franklin and it always makes me smile. I still feel the same way about the turtle, even now we are past reading him.
     We got box car and one eye jack books this week with math and money games. So far we really like them. We have only played 3 but they went over well.
     For nothing to write I guess I found something. And I worked on my typing skills. 

tossing in the towel

So today is a "I give up" day. We had lot of fun, but little learning. We went sledding had company over, found a lost dog. But now book work really. the kids did reading, math and writing like always, but I didn't add anything else today. Tomorrow we volunteer at the soup kitchen, and go to the library. So again it will be an easy day for the kids, and me. So these are the days I go to bed and start wondering if I am doing enough. Everyone says I am and that they are learning but deep down I have doubts. So that is why I call this a "I give up" day, I just don't have time to care. We are doing to many other things. 

Rough start

This morning was a hard start. Over the weekend I came to the "we are not learning anything" wall again. And this showed this morning when I ask the kids what they are doing today and was answered with blank looks and shrugs. Ahhhh... My kids have no drive, I must find them something to do, other then mind craft and t.v. But what? We are enjoying watching the birds so lets make bird feeders. Looked up a recipe, we have everything we need, ok now I have a plain. Ok kids who wants to make bird feeders.... NOTHING!! Blank looks of boredom with the idea. Now what? Dathen leaves to go to his school work, Kyler cries about having to do the little that is assigned to him. Well screw it I am making the bird feeders. Kyler offers to help, only because he does not want to do his math. After 5 min math looks like a better option and goes to do that. Dathen will not even come down stairs. "My kids have nothing to do, there for they are not learning" I am thinking with panic.
     Ok take a breath, find a cool lego web site maybe that will light a fire. Nope, How about sock monsters? Nope. By now its lunch. Ok well I need time to think and start to make myself eggs for egg salad. Kids hear movement in kitchen and are sure the bird feeder thing is over with so come out of hiding. I agree to walk them through making egg salad but am not making it for them (I hate peeling the eggs). After lunch we make fudge, what kid would say no to that. Now they are off playing outside.
     I am not feeling any better about them learning anything today. But at lest they are not in my face to remind me we should be doing something educational.
     Time to take a deep breath and read and re read some of my homeschooling books and web sites. 

teachable moments

So one of my big fears is missing "teachable moments". Books and blogs talk about them all the time. So when I am feeling good and on top of things I watch for them, and may see a few in a week. But this week was a hard week and I feel like I probably miss a lot of these moments. Until I sat with Kyler today to see his hotel he made on mind craft. He is not the greatest speller or typist but when he needs to shift from creative to survival and back in mind craft look out. He whipped off that command in no time and with out thinking. When did that learning happen? It was a moment I saw what all the books talk about, kids learn and remember what they need and want to know. Not the facts we try to put in there heads. So for a moment I feel like I know what I am doing. I figure that will pass in about an hour.
     We started volunteering at the soup kitchen this week. The first day was great, Kyler wanted to go back the next day but I made the commitment to Wednesdays so he was to wait a week. All we did was peel potatoes, but we talked and got out of the house. They seem to be looking forward to it next week. The walk there was nice too.
     Kyler finished his writing, and I gave them the week off math so he does not have much school work to do these days. This is good and bad. He likes to bug his brother who still has writing to do because of a mix up a few weeks ago as to what a page was. Dathen is working away like a good little beaver as always.
   I hope HS is the right choice, and I did not mess up my kids lives. See told you that confidence would not last long.

goals and hopes for homeschooling

This post I hope to write my goals and hopes for my kids by hs.Why we chose to do this and where we hope to go with it. I thought it might be a good follow up to fears
     Why we chose to hs is easy to answer, we did not like what our family looked like. There was a lot of running around, yelling, disconnection, and we were not a family unit, we were house mates and drivers. This was not what we pictured when we pictured a family. We saw picnic's, game night, fun dinners with lot of laughs. We saw walks, talks, and enjoying each others company. Watching the kids grow and seeing them change, being there for the little discoveries. By being apart all day and running around all night we missed so many of the little things. We did not know we had a choice, this is just how everyone ran there life, wasn't it? Then we meet some wonderful families at swimming lessons. Who told us there was a different way, and a different life style. We did research, went to conferences, and talked there ears off. (Big thank you to them by the way.) That was how we got here.
     Now where do we want to go....     I want my kids to be happy, have wonderful memories of growing up, be close to me and their dad, and find joy in life. I want them to understand responsibility, consequences, the value of a dollar, and that life is what you make of it. I want my kids to find jobs they love but know the job is not who they are. I want them to be independent but know that we are always there for them. But most of all I want them to love themselves and those around them for who they are.
     I hope by hs they see that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing. In fact by finding another way or thinking outside the box you might be happier. I also hope our relationship stays strong, and I teach them or show them all the things I want them to know. I hope they never look back and say "I wish...." I hope they understand I am doing the best I know how and forgive me for where I fail.